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  • Save the expense of buying a Caterham by sitting in the bath, wearing a helmet, whilst a friend fires pieces of mud and rubber at your head and you can pretend to get all indignant when a normal car overtakes you as you are driving like a faggot.
  • Track day drivers, where possible, run two wheels onto rumble strips. This way spectators will think you are really on the limit and be suitably impressed.
  • TVR drivers, save the expense of a trackday by simply getting up early, finding a local road, accelerating as hard as possible down the straights, crawling round the corners, and going home at 11.00 due to a mechanical failure.
  • Internet forum posters, pretend you are a great driver by heel-and-toeing to the Spar and back for a pint of milk.
  • Rich people, don't bother learning to drive. Just buy a GT3RS and a gay race suit, and always drive in the novice sessions with the Fiestas and Corsas. No-one will pass you so your ego will remain intact.
  • Track day drivers, near spectator areas, keep in one gear lower than necessary. The extra engine noise will make everyone assume you are going faster than you really are.
  • Internet forum posters, save the expense of going to the Nurburgring for the weekend by staying at home with your Mum and then on Tuesday, posting that you managed an 8'15" BTG time in your Clio 1.2 but there is more to come if traffic and weather conditions allow.
  • Save the expense of satnav by simply buying a map and giving it to your passenger. Then ask them to continually give you directions to Droitwich even though you keep shouting "I am in fucking France and looking for the Eiffel Tower you piece of shit".
  • Lotus Elise drivers, after crashing maintain the internet illusion that you are a great driver by claiming there was 'diesel on the road', after all, no-one else knows there wasn't and you don't have to mention the biker who came through the same corner with his knee down, at stupid speed, whilst you were waiting for the recovery truck.
  • If you really must wear a racesuit on a touristenfahrten at the 'Ring, have your name embroidered onto it. It will save all those embarassing "Who's the wanker in the race suit?" remarks as everyone will already know who the wanker is.
  • Experience the joys of satnav without the expense. Simply give your passenger a map and get them to say  'turn left' slightly after your junction then 'please do a u-turn' in a really smug voice, even though they know you are now driving on a motorway.
  • Drivers with 9 points on your licence.When stopped for speeding, simply tell the traffic officer you just glorified terrorism in a heated pub debate. This way he will have to arrest you under the terms of the Prevention of Terrorism Act and you will avoid getting banned from driving.
  • Trackday heroes, when posting up trackday videos, always leave out the laps where you get overtaken. Everyone will then think you are really good.
  • Enjoy the Porsche Boxster ownership experience by simply buyimg one with a blown engine and parking it on your drive. You can still impress your neighbours with your Porsche  while you are Zymolling it but you will have saved a fortune on running costs. No-one buys a Boxster to drive it anyway. You'll also have to Porsche keyfob to impress with down at the pub.