Start engine, swear as some cunt blocks you in, queue for 20 minutes, stick ticket in barrier, go, crash into cones, left, right, brake, right, left, right, brake, left, right, right, left, brake, left, right, left, right, left, announce 'Chesney was even more rubbish than usual through this bit', brake, right, left, nail it, wait, wait, wait, dab, right, nail it, left, left, panic, brake, pray, left while announcing "Cuntyboy nearly crashed Nathan's car here, don't tell Sam', BRAKE, right, nail it, left, right, pray while keeping it nailed, left, brake, left, right, BRAKE, wait, wait, wait, turn left, laugh and announce “Dan managed to crash a Smart here. It was on high boost though”, right, slide, wave as crowd applauds, nail it, dab, left, brake while denying that that huge bank is right in front of you, left, right, brake, right, nail it, left while pointing right and announcing “Nathan found dandelions there, don’t tell Sam”, right, brake, riiiiiight, brake, right, left, nail it, right, brake, left while announcing “Nathan nearly crashed here, don’t tell Sam”, right, swear at your car for it’s lack of power, keep it nailed while announcing “Niki Lauda burned his lugholes here”, left, BRAKE while denying the existence of the Armco right in front of you, right, nail it, left, left, left, left, right, right, left, dab, pray, left, dab, right, brake, right, grit teeth and drop into the karussel, hang on for grim death, stop, collect pieces of car, go, right, nail it, think ‘I’m not going to brake…. I’m not going to brake’ to yourself, brake anyway, call yourself a faggot, left, left, right, brake, right, leftish, right, left, over right kerb, brake, right, brake while announcing “DocJock crashed into that barrier” while secretly thanking fuck that your brakes worked, left, right, meep-meep for the crowds, right, left while announcing “Nathan DID crash here. I think Sam knows”, right, be blown away by the view of Pflanzgarten opening out in front of you, left, brake, crest, brake, right, left, left over big drop, right while realising how fucking fast you are going even though you cannot see over the blind crest, switch on denial and keep it nailed anyway, brake, right, left, drop into mini karussel, sort out messy exit, long right, gantry, stop watch, subtract one minute if your name is Gary, queue, cook clutch and brakes until nice and toasty, car park, swear at the cunts who are blocking you, crash into kerb, turn off engine.

Spazzers